The first date in two...

The first date in two...

The first date in two is the most difficult, because usually the partner comes “armed” with a good dose of mistrust (and it is normal to be so). Circumspection can be easily eliminated through a series of tricks that belong to the “technique of rapport”, in terms of neuro-linguistic programming.

The “technique of rapport” is a method of subliminal influence, aiming to establish a climate of trust and relaxation in the mind of subjects, by “key” gestures and attitudes, which are clearly defined on the basis of some specialized studies.

For example, at a first date in a certain place, using the technique in question, gives the interlocutor a comforting feeling that he is on a known and favorable ground, stimulating him to become more “conciliatory”. There are still controversial debates about the efficacy of these methods, but, after all, the result in psycho-social plan is similar to the philosophy of aspirin: if it does not heal, it does not do any harm either. Worth trying!

Sit opposite. Ever since ancient times, when we had not yet acquired the status of social beings, we were accustomed to have around us a space of about one square meter that no stranger should violate. It is the so called “personal space”. Because, with a distance of less than a meter, we could not have the overall picture of the person in front of us, so we are unable to perceive in time any threats or unforeseeable gestures that could come from that person.

The width of a table means exactly such a “reassuring” distance, within which no “threats” can occur. The physical space between you and the other person will put you both on a relaxing level of equality.

Trying to sit right next to a stranger means to create him/her a counter-productive tension that will be difficult to mitigate later. In addition, the perimeter in question, gives you the opportunity to observe discreetly, but overall, the reactions you cause.

The distance between the knees. If the person is sitting with his/her knees together (although it is quite difficult to keep this position in a chair), you will know that he/she has problems with self-confidence, that he/she is an extremely shy character.

But if his/her knees are slightly open and his/her thighs parallel, the interlocutor is completely suspicious, sitting tense as a spring, ready to get up suddenly in one move. When he/she sits with his/her legs crossed, things are more balanced, being clear that he/she is in a position and a state of relaxation.

Imitate the body line you see adopted by your partner. For the first two positions of the legs, he/she will instinctively feel that there is something wrong with you as well, or maybe you feel even more tense than him/her. This will give him/her a certain degree of safety and, instinctively, will try to reassure you, adopting an attitude that suggests calmness, most likely by sitting cross-legged. Of course, without realizing it, he/she will calm down himself/herself too...

The direction of the feet. When the thigh axis is pointing in your direction, it is a sign that the person wants to see what happens next, during the meeting. But when the feet are positioned in another direction, especially towards the exit, it is a clear sign that the person in question wants to leave, because the date is not very interesting for him/her.

Adopting the same position, you will cause a “mirror” reaction. Involuntarily, the person will try to calm you down and will turn his/her face towards you.

Hand position. Hands held on the lap usually means a total lack of trust, shyness or fear. People take this position to be ready to defend themselves, run away or make desperate gestures to protect their integrity...

When you do the same and your palms are no longer visible, the subconscious will transmit to the person in front of you, that he/she also inspires fear and is likely to be abandoned. But since he/she came to the meeting, he/she will want to see what happens next and, unconsciously (because it is our human nature... extremly curious), will “surrender”, putting his/her hands on the table.

Immediately, do the same thing to show that you have nothing to hide... and that the atmosphere has become relaxed.

Leaning back. Leaning back in a chair is a sign that the person wants to keep the distance. The interlocutor is circumspect. Perhaps he/she did not like something about your attitude.

Increase even more the distance, leaning the same. There may be a moment of embarrassment and even a rejection reaction, but you should take the risk and think that the person in question did not come up there just so... for no reason.

Most likely, feeling the communicative gap, he/she will try to lean his/her body forward, for at least 3 reasons:
1.-to get you relaxed (human instinctive attitude);
2.-to avoid losing you, so you do not get up from the table;
3.-to be able to hear and be heard.

Leaning forward. When the person in front of you adopted this position, you must know that you have managed to capture his/her attention. The gesture signifies the reduction of the safety space and the admission within the personal territory. If you like the person, do the same.

The atmosphere will immediately warm up, you will smile and get to jokes, while the tone and intensity of the voice will lower imperceptibly, setting up a special intimacy, a kind of refuge from the outside world into a space that only you and the person at your side can occupy, where no one else can enter. It is something very nice.

Proceed to manipulation... Knowing all this, you will have a significant advantage over those you will meet for the first time. In order to determine the reduction of the distance, the confidence, the relaxation and your acceptance within the personal space, you only have to initiate the “technique of rapport”, using the few tricks mentioned above.

Obviously, the conscious calling to these stratagems will turn you into a manipulator and you may reject the idea for moral or pride reasons: “What... am I not capable of doing it otherwise?”

However, do it! You have to understand that everyone is using the same methods of subliminal influence (and therefore the ones who will be in front of you), but they generally do it unconsciously. You can use your new knowledge also during official events, such as interviews or business meetings.

Goog luck!