About relationship at distance

About relationship at distance

Virtual knowledge of a person from another city or even another country, long trips in interests of work, changing residence, studies in another city or even abroad, all thesse are situations involving either initiating a relationship at distance, or the continuation of a loe story already-existing  (initiated in the past), but on this occasion, maintained in other coordinates than the traditional, face-to-face ones.

Which is perfectly feasible, because, due to the modern communication means, the physical approach is no longer a sine qua non condition of current love stories. But beyond being possible not only in theory, but also practically, to what extent may a relationship at distance prove to be functional?

Not to fall prey to misfortunes of fate, to woman's pain (lacking a male shoulder on which to cry at syrupy movies), or to man’s misery  (for whom sex on the phone is satisfactory, but not enough), a relationship at distance must have in the first place, a certain period of validity, a determined period as a result of which the partnership to come back to a  common form ... "tactile", olfactory and visible. Or, for those in love, touched, by chance, by the generous Cupidon on a certain socializing internet platform (separated from the start by mountains, hills, seas or borders), to also know frequent episodes of direct communication, physical presence and common experience lived “alive". 

To participate directly to the events of life important for the other one or  the fact itself of "tasting" together from the banalities of everyday existence, such as eating an icecream, walking in the park hand in hand or going together to a routine medical check, contributes significantly to the cohesion of the pair, deepens the feeling that they belong to a couple and  subtly shapes that idea of "us", indispensable for the good progress of a couple.  

Regardless of the degree of attraction, the level of compatibility or sincere obstinacy of partners to maintain the fire up, despite the unfavourable hour circle, the weak Wi-Fi connection or insufficient credit on the phone, a relationship at distance has real chances of success as long as it is limited in time and is not subject to a naïve enthusiasm, believing in the conviction that "love beats them all" (including the distance).

  The human need for physical emotional approach without being interceeded by a phone receiver, keyboard or handsfree is much too high   to be ignored indefinitely or compensated by all sorts of tricks functional only on a short term. And the solitary evenings, the empty space in bed and walking to the movie only with co-workers will finally let their print. 

Another necessary "condition" for a possible relation at distance, is creativity, that feature always underestimated in an unfair way, despite  its ability to cause a stir and miracles in the love life. 

If its role is not so significant within normal relations, which can also survive without the direct influence of an unconventional approach, when it comes about feelings from distance, to give proof of vision and imagination, it becomes a compulsory effort. And fully rewarded. 

Lacking variety, limited possibilities of spending free time or observing of oe another in contexts specific to a "normal" life, as well as communicating in a boundary always the same, predispose to monotony and repetition. And what can be more killing than the insipid routine, along to which even a course of applied mathematics or a circle of  knitting  colored hats would seem more interesting?

Partners separated by kilometers and destiny must assume, therefore, a permanent competition with themselves, being "forced" by circumstances to put to use all personal resources to transform their "impossible" love story into an alive experience, satisfactory, thrilling and relevant enough emotionally, so that its continuity to be worthed. 

Being pleased with the same type of phone conversations in which you mechanically and in detailed expose your entire program of the day (the only variations being the interjections or exclamations, interpolated theatrically among words), or with the same meetings online carried out in the usual corner of the room, maintains an extremely harmful predictability. More harmful even than volcanic eruptions to the ozone layer.

It is requested, therefore, a diversification of the topics of discussion, of situations and of "meetings" within the virtual space, each participant, having the task of punctually  discovering how this noble objective can be materialised for refreshing your own relationship.

Distance can be fatal also for those couples irremediably contaminated by panic and possessiveness, because it amplifies the fear of losing the one located too far away to be monitored according to the need of control generated by chronic jealousy. 

Therefore, this type of relationship is contra-indicated for ladies with thier heart and confidence weakened, who daily investigate their half soul or treated him with scandal and consecutive phones when, in a revolting and very suspicious way, they do not receive the required report at the proper and accurately determined time. Or to gentlemen who get on the eve of infarction when their lovers are complacent to smile in the company of who knows what other man whom, the most outrageous, they also dare to look directly in his eyes or encourage him voluntarily, defiantly amusing at his meaningless jokes. 

Relations at distance do not constitute the strong point of couples lacking trust in their partner and respect concerning personal space, and the physical absence permanently supplies  insecurity, anxiety and the gloomy perspective of treachery (I wonder what is she doing?; Where is he now?; Why doesn't he answer the phone?). 

They are, instead, an alternative worthy of consideration, for  individuals eager for autonomy and  freedom, whose idea of immaculate relationship doesn't mean spending your time  from dawn to night with your lover, giving explanations and unconditional obedience, emotional addiction (her), serenade under the balcony or poetry love statements (him). But also having personal time, distinct activities, a group of friends or moderate needs of loveliness and affection.

Although they are not cut out for everybody, some people seem to match them. 

This are the relations at distance which, in addition to similarities with a "normal" partnership, imply other rules, other benefits, other dangers, of which the most important is, perhaps, the danger of superficial knowledge, of idealizing the partner who in this context seems to have only qualities, not also faults (in the absence of the contrary proof, of reality unchanged by distance and utopia), of living in an immaginary couple, candidate to perfection.   

Exactly for that reason, regardless of the profile in which you fit, it is well for, by accepting the involvement into such a commitment, to allocate sufficient time for mutual knowledge, to alternate the phone or virtual dialog with real meetings (this is a relevant sacrifice, but not at all a financial cost or waste of time), to honestly and openly communicate, without breathing relieved that the monitor is on your side. 

Realistically calculate the success chances of the relationship and move forward only if estimations are supported by facts, plans and experiences. 

Of course, always manifested by both parties.