People want many things in life. To have a big house, a “powerful” car, possibly a big garage too, a well-paid job, friends, comfort, stability and a look that wouldn’t scare anyone (valid only for men, as women don’t settle for less... they want to permanently outshine EVERYONE).
Among the existential aspirations there are also the expectations related to sex. The first requirement on most people's list has to do with quantity and quality. There must be sex and it should be good. On this, everybody agrees. What’s next depends on every single person.
In the ocean of endless possibilities, there is also a lifestyle based on the exchange of partners, on “sharing” pleasure with several persons. This is the option adopted by those who cannot live otherwise than freely (they dislike monogamy, infidelity also, and conventions kill their enthusiasm).
But besides the “professionals”, there are also the uninitiated ones who’d like to follow their steps, but don’t know how to start. However, this is a crucial step, it’s not about planning a weekend trip. It is not that easy in their shoes.
If you too daydream about wild sex episodes with your other half next to some male or female guests, it means it’s about time to clarify some aspects.
Deciding to go from wishful thinking to action should not be taken over night, as it is going to permanently affect your future, whether you're juggling with a temporary relationship (in which case it is possible to “get down to business” a lot sooner than you can imagine) or living, proudly, a long term emotional connection (in which case there is the risk of having some surprises far more unpleasant than finding a fly in the soup at restaurant).
Why is it necessary a certain amount of time (and pattern) of thinking?
1.-Once you are on the road to these intimate adventures, you can no longer go back. Just like when you lose your virginity. The “shock” cannot be reduced, not even with an army of qualified psychologists.
2.-A change so radical as transforming the bedroom into a playground for several people can ruin or, on the contrary, improve the main relationship (the probability is very difficult to predict, in both cases). Despite the inherent enthusiasm, caution must prevail and, no matter how tedious the initial analysis may seem in relation to the pleasure and excitement of jumping into bed with other people, patience continues to be the key element.
3.-The purpose of this type of experiments is completely focused on pleasure and by no means on the accumulation of permanent trauma. Things done in a hurry sometimes have this effect.
The first step would be, therefore, to take your time (anyway, opportunities do not go away).
Secondly, you should clearly establish your motivation. Where does the need to access the next “level” come from? From the boredom and predictability of life in two, from the curiosity related to bisexuality or from the need to materialise your extravagant fantasies...? By understanding the origin of your desire, you’ll also know where you are headed to. Explaining the impulse of our own actions, including those of a “carnal” nature, doesn’t diminish in any way the charm of the goal itself. On the contrary, the orgasms will be more explosive if we know exactly why we want to do it in a group and not only as a couple or why it is so comforting for us, like a lullaby, to think of sharing our partner with various other people.
Three: throughout this “exploration of the territory” you have to keep alive communication with each other. It is not appropriate to let the person know about this one day before the “premiere”, nor to make her a naughty surprise on her birthday (“instead of the traditional bunch of flowers, I brought the next door neighbour to join us in the shower”) or to use emotional blackmail so that the consent would be obtained based on the pressure of one’s own desires. There must be interest on both sides. Otherwise, the “completion” with anger or slamming doors becomes a certainty.
The fourth step is to anticipate the advantages and disadvantages. Idealising love connections with multiple partners can be tempting but not necessarily auspicious. Making a list of pros and cons will significantly simplify the “mission” and will keep many (potential) problems away. In this context, everyone is invited to honestly acknowledge his fears and expectations, suggestions or secret desires.
When the visions are different, negotiation comes into play. There is no need to be a professional lawyer to express and support your point of view. A bit of luck and some convincing arguments can resolve the “dispute”. Of course, it is less difficult if the “soul mate” is from the very beginning on the same wavelength with you (or is completely absent from the future “picture”).
What happens after the big day of the favourable decision? You should not go straight to action. The natural order says that, after having decided, there comes the fifth step: the documentation. The Internet abounds in articles and indications on swinging places, platforms that facilitate communication with other participants, personal stories etc.
Collecting relevant information, understanding the types of fans this particular love has, getting acquainted with their interaction patterns (sexual or non-sexual), are the next steps to be taken together with the socialization meetings on the subject, i.e. discussions and identifying potential partners.
Your behaviour must be assumed, decent and genuine. No abuses or limit violations. Your reputation in the field is going to follow you for a while and, if you don’t want to turn yourself into the latest pariah in the world of swingers, then try to make a good impression from the very beginning. It would be tragic to get an undesirable reputation even before you start.
Learn also how to react positively to rejections! Not necessarily with fake smiles and confetti explosions, but with a reasonable attitude. The flexibility of the group does not mean a lack of rules and preferences. Accept people as they are and don’t try to invade their universe.
From here to actually live your dream, there’s just one more step. Only one...