Not only men are going through what is called middle-age crisis, but also women. Just as for the latter ones, the effects are much more obvious.
Deep cleavage (which sometimes is revealed in a naughty way), a possible “courageous” tattoo (made in an area difficultly accessible to the sight), diets and draconian treatments to lose weight drastically (with the risk of getting large areas of skin “hanging up” on the body surface), bold haircuts or coiffures, changes in hair color (often in unusual shades), extravagant clothes, extreme sports activities and extravagant entertainment... all this clearly announces the middle-age crisis.
What does crisis mean?
As the ladies advance in age, the more their grievous doubt increases, that life has been lived wrongly, and their youth was uselessly wasted. Everything turns suddenly, into a chaotic and persistent fight to regain the lost time.
The term “middle-age crisis” was used for the first time in 1965, in theories that were trying to analyze the specific behavioral complex of this age, initially appreciating that the symptomatology may occur at any time, between 40 and 60 years. Subsequent sociological research, however, have decided that the phenomenon in question is likely to be felt even earlier, lasting (approximately) between 2 and 5 years.
How does it manifest?
The manifestations are about the same for most of the fair sex representatives, regardless of temperament, social status, or occupation. If, around the age of 30, existential questions and dilemmas revolved around the career or professional-hierarchic ascension, a decade later, the interest is radically switched to the theme of purpose and meaning in life.
If a young woman who lives with an older man is often said to be an opportunist, looking for financial comfort and safety (sometimes, labels are considerably tougher), about the “youngster” who has a nearly gerontophile relationship, people speak with great admiration. He is regarded as a true “male”, because it's not easy to conquer an experienced woman.
Not at all surprising, it seems that strong sex representatives who are in such situations, are significantly more psychically developed than the average of those of the same age.
“You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” - Erica Jong.
After the age of 30, women begin to feel comfortable in their own skin. Until then, they are relatively uncertain, in a continuous exploration, without any respite to reconcile with themselves. However, in the second part of their life, when the continuous bustle of admirers and, therefore, attempts, calms down, women begin to understand the real value of time, preoccupying, at last, about important things. They begin to show their class and education, clearly defining their needs.
In this context, the possibility of having a romantic relationship with a younger man, can be categorized, at first sight, as an ephemeral outburst, gravitating exclusively around sexuality, where she takes advantage of his youth, and he leaves his ego cuddled by her rich and total disinhibited experience in matters of seduction.
Perhaps that's it!
But still... often things are more complicated than they seem at first sight.
Crisis or not, it's nice...
If a century ago, women of 40-50 years, behaved at this age in a reserved manner, by adopting austere clothing, in dull colors, because of the traditionalist beliefs that their time had already passed, nowadays, even the ladies who have passed the age of 50 no longer consider themselves to be so much “outdated”, adopting in their behavior a refreshing and comfortable air.
And it's not surprising, because in addition to the less demanding lifestyle, the science, oriented toward the procedures or cosmetic products, has evolved a lot.
Looking in the mirror, women realize that even if their skin is no longer so firm, their body still has a seductive look. The way they dress is undeniably improved (giving them a sexy air), they already know that style is all that matters in determining their image and, thus, they no longer buy compulsively, just to have, but because “it suits” them.
They have now a wealth of knowledge and experience, a stable material situation, can be independent from almost all points of view and, to a great extent, have freed themselves from the annoying concerns of everyday life.
Due to these maturity privileges, they feel entitled to decide that the moment of joys finally came, trying to recover (as much as they can) what they think they have missed during the years of their youth.
Psychologists say that: “at a certain age, the necessary factors of self-acceptance are created, leading to the idea of reconciliation with oneself. It appears that state of grace, when women feel quite well in their own skin, being pleased with the way they look”.
They have discovered and studied their flaws, implicitly perfecting the techniques to mask them or, on the contrary, to make fun of them (with self-irony), especially when they cannot be hidden.
As well, they have defined and inventoried their qualities, which they underline now with more skill. At the level of the mental, there is also an extraordinary insight into what's good or bad for them, what turns out to be or not favorable to them... so, they are no longer missing almost anything in order to be truly fulfilled!
Except perhaps just a touch of “freshness”, to give a little more life to their existence. And why not?
In addition, the incontestable benefits of “the fresh carrot” in the bedroom are not at all to be neglected. The male is a domestic animal who, treated properly, can be trained to do pretty interesting things.
Yes... also in intimacy.
Another type of rules.
It is said that it does not matter how many years you have lived, but how much energy animates you at your age, and that's what makes the age differences in a couple to be attenuated and not to matter so much anymore. At least on a purely theoretical level.
Basically, the concept according to which the man should be more mature at the mental level and, implicitly, to have lived a greater number of springs, has become, over time, a tacitly and axiomatically adopted rule, as something ancestral taken by inertia, without any plausible or convincing argument. It is exactly as in the case of prejudices related to the height: “next to the woman, the man must be taller”. Unfortunately, no matter what we do, we return involuntarily to the beginnings... when “He” was the powerful hunter, the unique responsible for defending and supporting his family.
The progressive development of humanity, however, has led to the abolition of this stereotype and, in the contemporary era, it is increasingly common for women to actually overcome the “model” in question.
“If the one I fell in love with (because he is funny, intelligent and at the same time he proves maturity in behavior) is 24, and I am 40, do I have to give up simply because I was born in a society full of prejudices?” is the frequent question of many women in such a posture. No, of course not!
Specialists in inter-human relations say that the principles of coexistence are quite simple. We are the ones who complicate them uselessly. Usually, a woman wants a younger man when the characteristics of those of the same age no longer satisfy or attract her.
To the potential “chosen”, the choice of the woman who decides seems to him a true blessing, since he will be initiated, coordinated and perfected... both sexually and intellectually.
There are theories that shape the supposition that the guys who engage in such relationships, actually crave the maternal care they probably did not receive during childhood. Of course, this hypothesis can not be considered a generally valid rule.
Unfortunately, things are not limited to having or not prejudices. There are inevitable conflicts or mismatches (just like in any couple), no matter how free in conceptions would be the partners, because we can't neglect the importance of education, experience, habits or social influence on such interactions.
It's not that simple to live with someone still at the age of questions, whose answer he does not accept anyway from those around him, but he wants to discover by himself, through his own explorations.
In principle, there are two main solutions to the problem of age differentiation: tolerance or common passions. A woman who accepts to be flexible, to give up when necessary, offering the other one the time and space needed to “taste” or understand reality (as it really is), in the end will only have benefits. As for the common passions, these can be identified objectively, from the beginning of the relationship, when both have total freedom to decide whether they are compatible or not in this chapter.
Women want independence.
From a social point of view, the times we live in, bring a subtle reversal of roles. Ladies are, nowadays, more powerful than ever, selectively allowing themselves the men they want, in spite of the fact that they are sometimes, much more younger than them.
Gaining the key to success in career, they have a well-developed self-image and they want as many and various experiences as possible... perhaps even extravagant ones. And it is natural to be so, especially after a whole life of sacrifice and stress! Why not to enjoy a “specimen” that makes them feel good, one who does not have exacerbated claims, is not jealous or possessive up to obsession?
Reasons to have a relationship with a younger man.
He has more energy and he is optimistic.
He is always positive, relaxed and ready for fun. That is exactly what you need, especially if, until now, you have been deeply marked by the responsibilities and worries of the existence you have gone through. He makes you vibrate more intensely, live more emotionally, and this is not bad at all. Look it all as a well-deserved reward for your frustrations previously repressed.
You can teach him everything, just the way you like it... (yeah, in bed too). Well, it's very reassuring to be with someone who knows how to handle any situation, but the role of the teacher is not bad either. And if the “student” is also willing to learn...
He has less emotional “baggage”.
He doesn't have too many ex-girlfriends, no one broke his heart so dramatically so to have destroyed his trust in himself or in the opposite sex until now. He has no disappointments, he does not feel the need to take revenge on every woman with whom he crosses his path, he has no physical or behavioral “models” to stubbornly seek in the beings he wants next to him. He is not excessively skeptical or overwhelmed by fears, as is often the case with the men of your age! He has not gone through all kinds of disappointments, disillusions, separations, or custody trials, and his life simply means “here” and “now”.
He is fit!
He didn't have time to make the “beer belly” and has an excellent tonus. This will determine you be much more careful with your own body, in order to keep up with his youth, which will be extremely beneficial to you.
Problems that may occur in the “May-December” relationship.
You feel too old.
Men found in a relationship with girls that have just passed the threshold of teenage, are much more “in shape” and seem to get younger with every day that passes, while women with similar status (having lovers from the youth camp) have the feeling that their age is much more evident in their presence and, desperately, in an inappropriate light. When you wake up in the morning next to a handsome who has a firm body, you feel obliged to look more often in the mirror, to be more suspicious if he talks to a female “acquaintance” of his age and to tend to consume your relationship under the empire of fear. “What if he leaves me? Is he tired of me? It's all very nice, but how long will it last?”
He is not ready to have children and you will no longer be able to have them...
If you're over 40 and it's under 30, the attraction and all the other things you think you have in common are not enough. When it's not just a summer affair (or another season) and you want to become a pair in the true sense of the word, there may be some dissonances, in particular related to the idea of children. He is not ready for something like that now, while you are heading vertiginously towards the expiration of your “validity limit”. At some point, a few years later, when he will want it more, perhaps you will no longer be able to offer them to him. At least on a physical level, it will be overwhelming, perhaps impossible, to procreate.
You do not have anything in common.
He was barely getting out of diapers or maybe he didn’t even exist when you graduated college. Although you certainly like to learn new and exciting things (and he has a lot to show you in this regard), it's not very pleasant to feel permanently 100 years behind.
His friends, your friends... His family, your family!
Everything is great when you're at home, together (especially in the bedroom). But what happens when you go out? You cannot avoid forever his friends, your friends and the world... in general. What do you do when he wants to go to a club with a group of friends and you will not understand why they find it so much fun to break their eardrums with screeching sounds they call music, or why they feel the need to bounce their hands and feet like crazy? How would you feel if one of his friends will greet you respectfully by saying: “How are you, my lady?”, and to the girls in the group will call them naturally: “Hello!”? The feeling of “granny” isn't quite pleasant! And even if the friends in question have enough common sense not to make unpleasant comments about you, you will still notice (or so it will seem to you) that their eyes slightly indicate the fact that you... are not welcome. How would you react, when going on holiday with him and arriving at the hotel, the female receptionist will kindly ask you, if it were not more appropriate that the “son” (for whom, by the way, her eyes leak) gets a separate room?
Your female friends will also split into two camps. Some will be worried about your unnatural “tendencies”, others will really envy you. You will be the target of many “sharp” ironies, and your boyfriend will surely be labelled as a “Gigolo”. This will not seem funny to you anymore, especially if you are indeed really in love with him.
As for your families... do not expect for any of them to look at you with good eyes. Your father would not want a pseudo-nephew as a son-in-law, and his mother wouldn’t find fun to imagine his son having wild sex with a colleague of her generation, no matter how charming and “well preserved” you would be.
Therefore, you have many things to face! At some point, you will surely find yourselves in extreme situations, being forced to take firm and final decisions like: “either us, or the rest of the world”. And no... it is not at all convenient.
Can these relationships last?
The difference of age is a dilemma specific more to the teenage years. When you are young, a difference of two or three years between you and a boy you fell in love with, seems like an impassable abyss. Because that's how they taught you and that's how you saw most of those around you.
As you grow, however, the emotional knowledge and development will slightly change your perception, your relational skills will be more balanced and ultimately you will understand that what makes a physical-emotional communion work, does not have much to do with the gaps between generations, but with the reciprocity of the participants' feelings.
An “advance” of 10 years it's not hard to overcome, but when it comes to 20 or more, you should also take into account some possible difficulties.
For example, the young man, once with matureness, may want to reconsider his choice about you. Either you will have to deal with the problems of old age sooner than you think or hope, irreversibly altering the structure and charm of the relationship.
But... as long as you are responsible adults and you have discussed these possible alternatives from the very beginning, assuming them, there are real chances that the dysfunctionalities will be solved lucidly, with patience and understanding from both of you.
How to overcome the age difference?
There are reasons more or less healthy for deciding to choose a “soulmate” a little more “green”. The most unjustified of these is related, however, to the fear of aging. No one will be able to stop the irreversible process of physical degradation, nor can diminish in any way the drama of reaching the end. On the contrary...
Obviously, a man or a woman who has a relationship with people of the same age as their own children, will also face some negative reaction (sometimes vehemently) from their acquaintances or even the community to which they belong. But what causes most problems to such couples, is the difference of maturity.
Sometimes the big age differences create a mentor-disciple type of relationship, the older person advising the younger one about most of life's problems. Unfortunately, the variant in question sometimes leads to failure. Because by our human nature, cynical and selfish (rarely recognized as such), when we feel completely ready and confident on our own forces, we move forward... at any cost, leaving behind, without any remorse or resentment, the loved ones, to whom we promised once that we will never leave them.