When it comes to love, unfortunately, time is a really corrosive factor. It erodes the initial feelings of emotional state of grace, bringing to the surface, with each passing day, somewhat more and more truths, unknown until that time.
The relationship seems to suffer unexpected changes and somewhat there's nothing “as it was”. The authentic personality of each reaffirms, shapes increasingly stronger in front of the other and surprisingly, it reveals in a different light, other than the one sensed by partners one about the other. However, the two have always been like that, just that in the beginning they looked each other in a state of uplifting bliss, generated by the powerful feeling of finding the primary whole: the couple.
Gradually we go back to the way we really are and we observe our lover exactly as he/she is. And he/she is not like we thought or worse... he/she is totally different.
Have we been “blind”?
No! We saw very well, but we were in love. And love, in general, simply hypnotizes us, making us see the things more “pink” than they actually are. This “awakening” may lead in time, to a cascade of delusions, deceptions and confrontations with extremely negative impact on the pair of lovers. It is hard to accept that the man you perceived to be refined and high-end in all respects, is actually a phony indolent who does not even try to wash his hands after using the toilet. Equally difficult is to get over the fact that the chick sipping your words when you spoke to her, appreciating enchanted most of your ideas, now even while in bed sends and receives instant messages on her cellphone from a lot of strangers, which paradoxically give their opinion about your behavior or gestures.
Is this relationship doomed within this new context?
Unfortunately, once arrived at this point, many couples fall apart. But things are far from being so dramatic and serious! It is vital for the two to understand what is happening to them, in order to make the important decision to move to another level (superior) of the relationship. In other words, to accede from the state of falling in love to the one of true love or living together.
What could have caused this impasse?
Remember the idealizations?
-“You are the most...”
-“You are the only man who...”
-“You're everything I ever wanted!”
-“We are made for each other!”
-“We're soul mates!”
We equally idealize the being of our partner, ourselves and the love as such. To do this, each of us appeal to a trick more or less conscious, designing, dreaming, romancing or embellishing the reality. It is a voluntary “hoax”, which if we do not understand as impact and ampleness, we have all chances to look admiringly our partner, as we would like or how we actually want him/her to be. In no case as he/she is in reality.
Therefore, somewhere, sometime... we can choose to see only what suits us. Here's one of the traps you can unwillingly fall into! According to this theory, what we love can sometimes be simply a projection of our own fantasies, needs and desires and not the true person of our partner.
But how is it with ourselves? What are we willing to do in order to please the other one?
Often, to please those we love, we create an image of ourselves as close to the one we see they enjoy. Thus, it arises a tendency to shape our own personality according to their requirements, emphasizing the desired features and fading out or masking the ones who seem to dislike them or to generate tensions.
Over time, these “retouches” become tiring, annoying, giving us the feeling of absurd and unnatural, because naturally, they do not represent us... it is not us! Whenever we will not be in the presence of our partner, we will have the feeling of a refreshing release, which we will happily enjoy (secretly), feeling that the re-encounter seems like a gloomy Monday day, after a “crazy” weekend with friends who accept us unconditionally.
We have all heard the expectations or hopes: “my expectations in relation to him”, “his hopes in relation to me”. Remember! People are what they are and if you like them, generally, you must accept them as they are, and in their turn, they welcome you into their lives as you are. We are not looking for partners to “tame” or to shape at our own will. When we choose to fill our existence with someone, we have to design our “expectations” since from the first meeting... right from the very beginning. That is when we can express our freedom of choice, and we should do it indeed based on our affinities, interests, and pleasures. But then, in the first few moments! It is totally unnatural to have chosen a partner just because we were pleasantly impressed with his/her physical, then, expect “professorially“, considering that it is our right or an obligation of “the other”, to metamorphose his/her own personality in order to please us. As mentioned, such variants have one single final! Breakup. And it's only a matter of time before it happens.
We borrow from our partner, mentally (in our imagination), his/her tastes, pleasures, or desires, then we act over them as if all would be so in real. After a while, we find ourselves that we are not understood, no matter what we do!
Unfortunately, these “fancies” specific to many lovers, resemble very much the situation when we decide to use a perfume. We choose its flavor according to our own taste, firmly convinced that everyone will try the same olfactory sensations, the same reactions. But it is not like that. Tastes differ radically from person to person and, perhaps, this is the charm of the universe we live in!
So many masks!
How much falsehood can attract this game of love?!
It is a scenario of appearances in which “characters” have only to lose if they fail to break the masks of these vicious roles!
It is a drama, ironically directed by coincidence, to the end of which, once with the curtain fell, the actors can remain completely surprised... On the stage of their own lives, along with a totally unknown man.