Bisexuality

Bisexuality

People feel, sometimes, an acute need to clarify and sort the general sexual preferences, which should sit nicely placed like the clothes in the wardrobe: trousers to trousers, skirts to skirts, and socks by no means in the same drawer with underwear.

This is the reason of the strict separation made between heterosexuality and homosexuality. Somewhere in the middle there is, however, also the ambivalent land of those considered undecided enough, as to not belong to a single “camp”, but to... both.  

Is it indecision to blame for the ”problem” of lovers of both, men and women? Or does the undefined horizon in which they discreetly exercise their inclinations, hides something else than a wandering and a powerful whim of doing them all?

Answers sounds, many times, unclear in the mind of persons attracted by a person not by a gender, being followed by new interrogations the same persistent:
-Is it possible that the attraction felt to ”honor” in equal measure the both genders?
-Is it a mistake somewhere in the middle and there must be made a choice?
-Will it last a lifetime?

The external pressure (manifested in certain circumstances) to incline the balance to the area of white or of the black one, amplifies the fear, oscillations, as well as the obsession of a choice. On the other hand, the lack of pressure also creates serious challenges, correlated with the appropriate management of the double passions.

“Will I feel the need to be with a man while having a relationship with a woman and vice versa?” is what often worries bisexuals in an attempt to find the optimal recipe of satisfaction in the bedroom.

Unfortunately for the diehard fans of patterns, recipes are used in the kitchen or when training the dog to bring the beer from the fridge. But even there it takes a little improvisation. Relationships prove to be the more difficult to frame into a pattern, than preparing a low carbohydrate menu, the canine training or avoiding traffic quarrels.  

Sexuality is (or should be) a fluid concept, not a rigid practice. Some psychiatric currents claim that all persons are born bisexual, focusing their affinities under the influence of individual predispositions, own psychic factors and their relevant social interactions.

Useful in understanding the subtle mechanisms that engage the affinities and predilection to a specific gender can also be the scale of Alfred Kinsey. 

He represented the sexual attraction with a continuum scored with notes from 0 to 6, 0 indicating pure heterosexuality, and 6 “radical” homosexuality. In accordance with his statistical research, most of the population occupies the range 1-5, meaning that they are not stranger to homosexual “escapades”  with variable frequency (be them imaginative). 

In the vision of sexology’s father, few people embrace 100% one of the two orientations. The rest, occasionally change the “camps” out of curiosity, need or desire of a belated revenge on the ex who left away with their hopes and money. 

Only the ones constant in approaching both preferences diametrically opposed (having a nearly equal number of heterosexual and homosexual relationships) may declare themselves, without a doubt, bisexual.

Although one’s fantasy of being intimate with someone of the same gender it occasionally leads to the temporary derogation from conventional connections, “the phenomenon” means more than just a conjuncture whim, a decision to change life taken after watching a porn material giving revelations or the experience of two young students who anyway  sleep together, go hand in hand in the street, and understand each other much too well not to ensure including the nocturnal pleasure until  finding a super potent man?

Favored by environmental conjunctures or certain personal characteristics, bisexuality comes on the background of permanent attraction (to both sexes) which incites and stirs at the same time, confronting the person with its own limits and prejudices. 

For a gay man, it seems easier to “quantify” his identity and future in relation to his sexual orientation. And it's the same with lesbians convinced that they don't want to engage with insensitive, tough, proud men, nor even with the charming ones. 

In their concern, things are well divided and no one is taken by surprise. 

But what happens with a bisexual, which has, it is true, multiple choices, but also an apparently ambiguous statute? Today he likes women, tomorrow men? Does he “loves” all of them at the same time? How will he distribute his interest and attention? 

This dilemma is a superficial one, and its “functioning” to love is the same as the others’.

Moreover, he/she enjoys the advantage of knowing all the sides of the problem, to find out what is the difference between a hot night spent with a male and an exhausting one, in a female companionship. 

The “wisdom” gained can lead to ranking or favoring one of the categories in the “relative” detriment of the other one (some get to find out that they prefer more men or women, others declare themselves fascinated equally to both of them), but not in drastic choices, definitive ones, pronounced as a result of the elimination of one of the ”weaknesses”. This occurs only when the formula ”bi”, indicates a road totally unsuitable.

Experimenting all possible options is really important for those who consider that the gender is a criterion for the selection almost as ”banal” as any other (height, hair color, bra size, studies or love for cats). The opposite strategy, keeping under silence the wishes only for the sake of simplification, it is a misleading solution, such as slipping juices without sugar in the diet.

The challenges are present at every step... both when someone denies the own erotic preferences, and when he/she admit them openly (in a restricted frame, of course, without wearing printed clothing with ”Attention, I am bisexual!”). The difference is that the assuming brings with it a pleasant feeling of liberation. The feeling of being in control of the own life. 

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Sexual orientation does not tell more about a person than do his intellect, feelings, behavior, expressions and favorite activities, the time when they go to bed, the music they listen to, their past or other aspects which visibly intensify their “nuances”. 

Once with this conclusion, everything becomes more “clear”, including the understanding their own needs and rational acceptance of the differences.